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Nameless

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[15 Dec 2008|10:53pm]
The demons are back.
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[17 Nov 2008|08:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I rarely feel as happy as I did last night.

Thank you.

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[22 Aug 2008|12:54pm]
Total motherfucking fuck up.
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i will never forgive or forget [27 Jul 2008|12:33pm]
Every time I say it, it gets easier.
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[02 Jun 2008|12:44pm]
I hope that this is your secret.
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[03 May 2008|09:50am]
I am her.

I wish you wanted that.
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[25 Mar 2008|05:39pm]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget

***

I can so cook. I rock. Seriously. I fuckin' rock.

I need hairsticks.

***

I don't even think about you anymore.

Neenerneenerneener.

***

Val says "whore" is a word for a woman who likes sex just as much as a man. I guess that makes me a whore, too. But oh, with better conotation! Neenerneenerneener.
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[23 Mar 2008|10:07pm]
There is happiness in serenity, and happiness in the mountains.

There is happiness in knowing that everything could be a lot worse.

Happiness is that little slice of heaven that comes occasionally.
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everybody dies alone, and that is beautiful [07 Mar 2008|11:50pm]
Even if I thought I was ready, which I don't, I wouldn't be okay.

After I think I'm ready, I'll wait about six months. I'll wait, and I'll get comfortable.

And after I wait, and get comfortable, I'll start dating dating. And once I find someone that I am comfortable with, we'll move slow. And work through everything that hurts. And let me call at least half the shots.

And it'll be vanilla. Until I think I'm ready for more. And then I'll wait.

Here's to trying?
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[17 Feb 2008|09:57pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

I never thought that having someone know your name would feel so good.

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dreams could never hide [03 Feb 2008|11:46am]
[ mood | furious ]

And there the sun burns crimson bright
And there the moonbird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

***

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

***

I'm finally good enough for me.

***

She was right, she was so so right. It pains me to say that; it breaks my heart to think that. But as I break away, I realize that I held on for far too long. I masked everything beneath that desire, and damn near ruined myself.

***

The good ones don't ask questions.

The good ones don't get too close.

The good ones make me scream with pleasure mixed with pain, and flippantly tell me that I'm really quite fantastic.

The good ones don't want to hear what I have to say - and for that, I am grateful. There is much bubbling inside me, waiting to escape, but I cannot let it.

Why would I want anything more than a good one, when I'm doing so much better on my own?

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[25 Jan 2008|08:24pm]
I'm not into the mindfuck shit.
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[15 Jan 2008|10:15pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Apparently, I'm really good at being used.

And setting myself up for falls.

And looking like a fool.

so that I am a target for pity.

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[13 Jan 2008|08:46pm]
Bitte.

Gib mir mehr Zeit, bevor du gehst.

Und dann, ich kann allein sein.
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i'd call you if i was unsober [01 Jan 2008|11:04pm]
[ music | Evanescence - Your Star ]

I can't see your star.
I can't see your star.
Though I patiently waited, bedside, for the death of today.
I can't see your star.
The mechanical lights of Lisbon frightened it away.

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts in pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

I can't see your star.
I can't see your star.
How can the darkness feel so wrong?

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts in pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

So far away.
It's growing colder without your love.
Why can't you feel me calling your name?
Can't break the silence,
It's breaking me.

All my fears turn to rage.

And I'm alone now, me
And all I stood for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out

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[01 Jan 2008|02:20am]
i can feel every fucking nerve in my body

and they're all cold
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[31 Dec 2007|11:18am]
[ mood | cold ]

He says, son, can you play me a memory?
Im not really sure how it goes
But its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes

***

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

***

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

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[24 Dec 2007|06:04pm]
The best Christmas present I've ever received is Doug home safe from Iraq.

The best birthday present... was a call from Doug on his way to Iraq.

Second best Christmas present is this blasted sore throat. I got my wish - to spend it alone.
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sterbe dich [23 Dec 2007|08:45pm]
[ music | Belle and Sebastian - If She Wants Me ]

I wrote a letter on a nothing day.
I asked somebody, “Could you send my letter away?”
“You are too young to put all of your hopes in just one envelope.”

I said goodbye to someone that I love.
It’s not just me, I tell you it’s the both of us.
And it was hard,
Like coming off the pills that you take to stay happy.

Someone above has seen me do alright.
Someone above is looking with a tender eye.
Upon your face, you may think you’re alone but you may think again.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.

And far away somebody read the letter.
He condescends to read the words I wrote about him.
And if he smiles, it’s no more than a genius deserves
For all your curious nerve and your passion.

I’m going deaf, you’re growing melancholy.
Things fall apart, I don’t know why we bother at all.
But life is good and it’s always worth living at least for a while.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.

If you think to yourself, “What should I do now?”
Than take the baton, and girl, you better run with it.
'Cause there is no point in standing in the past cause it’s over and done with.

I took a book and went into the forest.
I climbed the hill, I wanted to look down on you.
But all I saw was twenty miles of wilderness so I went home.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.

If I could do just one near perfect thing I’d be happy.
They’d write it on my grave, or when they scattered my ashes.
On second thoughts, I’d rather hang around and be there with my best friend,
If she wants me.
If she wants me, yeah.
If she wants me, yeah.
If she wants me, yeah.

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[17 Nov 2007|01:04pm]
There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein
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